Politics

The word ‘politics’ is derived from the Greek polis, meaning both outraged and ignorant. Simultaneously. True to its roots, modern politics polarises opinions generally between two extremes of ignorance.

Hardcore lefties believe that everyone should enjoy bleeding through the wallet for the sake of those who work less hard. Thus, everyone can be equally lazy, and those that continue to work for the sake of their fellow man can be safely categorised as mentally ill.

Similarly, the leading edge of the right wing supposes that any given business should be quite free to suck the financial blood from as many people as practicable. In that way, wealth is channelled into the organizations that will best look after it, before trickling down to benefit the initially less well off. Much like the blood of a Romanian peasant village is nicely channelled into a vampire, and trickles down his chin for the town dog.

Sensibly, most modern politicians balance these competing ideologies by sucking taxpayers mostly dry for their own ends, and then giving business free reign over sloppy seconds. Interestingly, this process generates debate, which is formed from another Greek word, meaning hot air.

There are, among us, people who actually believe that they know what they’re talking about when it comes to politics. These people will carefully weigh the arguments emanating from both sides, note the faint whiffs of gas in their allegedly clean emissions, and present a measured conclusion about the irrelevant issue at hand.

Then, there are the people that vote.

In Australia, voting is not just a right, but an obligation, which is both excellent and horrific. On the one hand, governments are forced to govern for all Australians. On the other hand, governments are obliged to appeal to all Australians in order to get into office in the first place. There are few things more horrifying when encountering an utter moron of the Australian persuasion than realising first, that they can vote, second, that they must vote, and finally that the politicians who run our country must appeal to said moron for their precious vote! Here, one begins to understand the origins of the TV ads saying ‘Me good. Him bad. Vote me, or Asian hordes invade in leaky boats.’ – and is left to hope only that the moron in question doesn’t breed.

Sadly, the Liberal party of late has proven significantly better at appealing to the leaky boats are bad brigade, and thus we are left with the seemingly realistic chance that Tony Abbott, the Arch-Moron, will be elected to the land’s highest useful office.

Which is Greek for ‘get in your leaky boat and come to Greece, while there’s still time’.